I don’t know how to start this thing, this whole blogging business. Being a lover of fine linen paper and black ink pens, not to mention privacy, I’m not sure I’m entirely on board with this kind of electronic exposure. But as my friends (both of them) have insisted I give them something to help procrastinate their work days away, and bearing in mind that I am compulsive in my need for people to like me, I have obliged them. Plus let’s be honest, who’s really gonna read this anyway?

So now the task at hand. With some fresh air, a cup of tea, and blank notebook before me, I can’t quite decide how to write a first post. What to say? An introduction? “Hi everyone! My name is Dani. I’m a waitress and I like long walks zzzzz…” Uhm, no. I could give an explanation of what I hope to write here: “This will be a collection of stories and thoughts about blah blah blah…” Who cares? Just get to it, right? Whatever this first post is, it needs to be original, in no way resembling an introduction yet somehow able to communicate what’s about to happen.

Just then, I am interrupted by a moment of clarity.

“You wanna suck my dick?” the question asked by a thin, glittery, hipster chick to a portly, trucker-hat wearing, skater dude sitting across the patio from me at my local Sbux.

“You wanna whip it out for me?” his clever reply.

Yep. It is on that note, dear reader, that I want to begin. I mean, come on. Blogging as a form of self-expression really isn’t that far removed from other forms of <ahem> attention getting. It’s navel-gazing with an audience. Or better, it’s exhibitionism at its nerdiest. I could try and convince you that I’m whipping writing to make sense of my craziness or to practice my story-telling in hopes that one day someone might be interested in anything I had to say. But really at the end of the day, you can boil this entire endeavor down to, well, you know.